A Hard Decision to Be Made

Currently I am faced with a dilemma. Every Thanksgiving weekend my Dad’s side of the family all go to Tehachapi and I don’t know if I want to go this year. I know it sounds all nice and what not but there’s more to it. First of all, since we go every year this means that we leave my mom alone every Thanksgiving. I feel terrible about that. But when we go the whole family stays at the house and there’s A LOT of us. With that being said, I have no privacy when I’m there because they’re is multiple people sharing every room. Even when you shower you have to hurry because one of the kids always has to use the restroom.
Also this side of the family is very religious! My grandparents are missionaries for peete’s sake! Everyone asks me the same questions every year and since theres so many people there I have the same conversation twenty times. This always brings the infamous question. “So Shanelle, do you have a boyfriend?” I wish I could tell them that I have a girlfriend because she’s amazing. This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Yet if I ever told them that I have a girlfriend they’d flip. Especially my Grandpa, I think he’d have a heart attack on the spot.
Not to mention that this year my dad is bringing his girlfriend Holly and her three kids this year. Don’t get me wrong they’re cool. I love finally seeing my dad happy. It’s just that he lives with them and they’re his world now. I rarely get a text or a call from him, mostly I get them just on holidays. Yet I’m expected to go to Tehachapi with them and pretend that were one big happy family when in reality that isn’t the case. If I end up going I know that my family is going to ask how I feel about Holly and her girls. In which I wouldn’t sugar coat a thing. I’m tired of masking how I feel and putting on an act like my parents taught me to do so when I was young. I’m an adult now. I’m entitled to my own opinions and beliefs.
Every year I usually had someone that I could escape from everything with. Growing up it was my older sister Kayla, but now she has a boyfriend so she will be with him. So last year I brought my best friend Julia. Whenever I felt overwhelmed or needed a break from it all I could slip away with them and have a little adventure of our own. Except this year I won’t be able to do so because my dad is bringing Holly and her girls.
It just boils down to the fact that I don’t feel comfortable there. Yet I feel that I need to go because they’re my family. What if I don’t go this year and next year one of my family members isn’t around anymore? I’d feel absolutely horrible. It’s just hard because I don’t enjoy my time there at all. I’m torn between putting myself first spending the holiday with my Mom or just sticking it out to make everyone else happy. All I know is that I have a hard decision to make and time is ticking.

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