Bend and Break

So Cassy and I are now on a break but don’t be mistaken we’re fine and on good terms.We both have different reasons as to why we are doing this. Cassy is finishing up her first semester in college and she’s extremely stressed out right now. I’ve been telling her that she needs to focus more on school because she’s very smart but the problem is that she just does an even better job at procrastinating. Literally this girl will do an assignment the morning before it’s due. With her finals coming up soon she feels a lot more pressure and stress than usual. She was explaining to me that she didn’t want to take a break but just that she wanted more space so she can apply herself more since finals are coming up. At this point I said that I think a break could be good for us. Cassy was very surprised I said this. I began explaining how I haven’t been very happy recently in all aspects of my life and so I had been putting my all into the relationship and I still wasn’t happy. I had been bending over backwards trying to make her happy hoping that it would make me happy but at the end of the day I still felt like unhappy. I told her that I feel like I need this break to focus on myself and see if I’m happier not being in a relationship. Also, someone from my past has popped back into my life and has been making me really revaluate my life and making me think what I really want. So I’ve been struggling with that and everything else on top of it. Cassy and I agreed that after her finals are over we would talk and see if she was happier without me and vise versa. Yet the strange thing is that our relationship is fine necessarily, the problem is with us as separate individuals. We cleared up all of the guide lines of our break then went on enjoying our day together in slo. It was filled with laughs and affection. Once we got to my house where she was dropping me off I start to cry a little just because I knew I was going to miss her so much. We agreed to at least say good morning and goodnight to each other but it’s hard not talking to her. What can I say she’s my best friend. I’m terrified of losing her because I don’t want to lose the friendship. After you’ve been so close with a person being without them feels strange. It’s like you have to teach yourself how to live without them. I’m just trying to put my life into perspective and see what I should do and what is best for me.

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