Bad News and New Things

I have some bad news and some good news…

I’ll start with the bad news. Cassy broke up with me. Don’t worry, we’re still on good terms. She broke up with me because we seem to be on different pages in life. My priorities are much different than hers. I just care to work on myself, getting myself going in the right direction for my career and (at the time) my relationship. While Cassy’s priorities are much different. She’s at the point in her life where she just wants to have fun with her friends and make memories. I on the other hand, have had my time to do so and now I just want to be more of an adult. I’m not angry with her at all, I love her. Obviously I’d prefer being with her but I love her enough to let her go and have the liberty to go enjoy her youth the way she wants to. It’s strange being broken up with because you’re a little too mature for someone but it’s alright. The only thing I truly am worried about is our friendship. Cassy was my best friend first and I know that this break up is changing a lot of things. I just hope our friendship isn’t one of them. Yet I know that things aren’t going to be the way they were before so I’m anxious to see how it all works out.

Since I got broken up with I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I don’t even think I’m doing it to keep my mind off her because when I think of her I’m not angry or emotional. Maybe it just hasn’t fully hit me yet but I think I just want to be productive. I know that if I stay in bed, eat my feelings and cry that it’s not going to truly help me. That just puts a pause on my life and I don’t have time to waste. I have so much to do and work on! I haven’t even told my friends because I know they’re going to feel sorry for me and I don’t need pity, I’m okay. Anyways, the day Cassy broke up with me I went and got my own bank account, set up my direct deposit for work, ordered something online and I finally decided to pay for Spotify. Today, I killed it at work! Then came home(took a quick nap) cleaned my room and dyed my hair because it was a brown with a red tint. I dyed it that color the day Cassy had a party at her house to surprise her because I thought she’d like it and now that we’re over I dyed it black, for me this time! Now It’s time to fall in love with myself. It’s time to work on me. It’s time to do what’s best for me and me alone! I’m going to continue to work on myself. Plus now the glow up I was planning on working on can now be my post break up glow up!

Regardless of everything, I miss her. I love her so much. I’m still so in love with her. The problem is that, yes she still loves me but she’s just not in love with me anymore. I pray she finds someone so much better than me. She’s wonderful and I hope she never feels this way. I wish nothing but the best for her. I’m so thankful for all our great memories and the fact that I was blessed enough to call her mine for a while. But mostly I’m thankful that she taught me what love truly was. I just sadly wasn’t her true loveimg_8198

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