5 Tips To Help Find Yourself as a Teenager

In school we are taught various subjects like math, history, science and all that good stuff. Yet, they don’t teach you how to find yourself. Then out of no where…BOOM! They slam you with really tough questions that you’re expected to know all the answers to.
“So what do you want to do when you’re older?”
“What major are you going to choose?”
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
“Where do you want to live one day?”
Were asked these questions that many of us don’t really know the answers to. Then after we understand that we don’t know we just say that we’re, “figuring it out still.” Then we just go on with our busy lives and continue on in a direction we think we like and see where it takes us.
I believe we should be doing more than just that. Don’t worry I’m not saying to do anything super crazy, it’s actually really simple. 

We should actively be trying to find  ourselves. The person you are today is completely different than who you were when you were at seven, or thirteen. Just like how you are going to be a different person in five years than who you are now. We are always changing so I think we need to constantly learn who we are.

1. TRY NEW THINGS
I know it sounds very cliche but it’s true. Go and search for new experiences. This will make you not completely step out of your comfort zone but push your comfort zone instead. Trying new things can be scary but after you’ve done it once you can see if you like it and if so it will be easier to do it again. Broaden your horizon.

2. DON’T BE AFRAID OF YOUR LIKES CHANGING
Just because you we’re totally into that mint sea blue bed spread doesn’t mean you have to love it forever. Your style and things you like will change constantly and that’s okay! Switch it up all you want!

3. SPEND TIME ALONE
This is very important. Everyone needs personal space. Just like how you hang out with your best friend and you know them. You need to hang out with yourself so you can know yourself. Being alone is great, no one to entertain and you can do whatever you want free of all judgement.

4. BREAK YOUR PATTERNS
It’s the little things. Order a different drink at Starbucks than your normal go to. Rearrange your room. Go a different way on your jog. Doing the same things over and over can get boring. So for your happiness and sanity, try doing something a little different every day!

5. WORK ON ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE
Make sure you’re growing mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Mentally: Read a book. Watch a documentary. Go to a museum. Just learn new things!
Physically: Go on a hike. Go to the gym. Do yoga. Go swimming. Get moving!
Spiritually: Go to church. Learn about religions. Meditate. Something for the soul!
Emotionally: Do what makes you happy. Minimize the stress in your life. Keep the right company around.  Healthy happy relationships.

 

Que Lifestyle Change

So it’s 7:30 in the morning and I haven’t slept a lot because I woke up at two and again around four. Cassy left around five and I haven’t slept since. Anyways, I was just up pondering things like I usually do when I can’t sleep and I was thinking about something that has been on my mind a lot recently, my mental health. I’ve been talking about bettering myself for so long but I have never done anything to work on my mental health. Naturally, I would like to change that.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS FOLKS!….ANOTHER LIFESTYLE CHANGE FOR SHANELLE!

I honestly feel like a lifestyle change isn’t final until you’ve rearranged. Plus, just the red in my room is driving me crazy! So I’m gunna switch it up and maybe go more boho. As soon as I’m done with this post I’m gunna start by moving things around again and try to make room for a little meditation area in my room. You don’t have to start all crazy and go full Buda but y’all know that I tend to do things to the extreme so we will see. I am gunna start with a few minutes a day and work my way up. Having time to be alone will be good for me. Also I want it to be a place where I can read because I think reading is great for the mind.  It makes you learn and think things you never would have thought of or takes you places!

Also I’ve really been wanting to start working out and taking yoga classes. Shae is my little roll dog and she’s down for whatever so I know she will go with me. That way we can attempt to do that shit together! I just need some yoga outfits and room decor and oh no! I’m actually gunna stop there before I spend my check before I get it!

Just a Lil Update

I know that recently the only thing I have blogged about is Cassy and our relationship with each other. That’s because blogging is almost therapeutic for me. So I wanted to do a quick update on my job. I am one out of the four newer girls at Davids Bridal. Keelee is the girl that I was hired with. She had worked at a David’s Bridal previously so she knows what she is doing. Then there’s Vanessa who got hired after us and I know her because we went to school together in junior high. Then there is now this newer girl, I wanna say her name is Tiffany or somewhat but I really don’t know or care. All I know is that she had been boasting on social media about how she’s gunna get paid so much money through commission working here. Little does she know that the job just isn’t gunna throw a bunch of money at you. Your place has to be earned.

As of right now I am the only one from the newer girls to get moved from being a dress specialist to a stylist. Basically that means I work with brides now. I have worked with a few but so far I have only sold one. I am still very new at it and I am still trying to learn the ropes. I will get better though!

I have added my experience of working at David’s on my resume but I still have a few things to do on it. Yet I haven’t actually applied anywhere yet because I’m hoping that I can stay at David’s Bridal for a while. I want to gain sales skills and experience for a while. I’m just hoping they’re going to keep me. So far out of all the new girls I guess you could say that I have gotten the farthest and I hope that helps in the long run.

Heartbreaking

I used to think that when you got your heart broken that it was one initial big heartbreak.

That’s not the case.

My heart has been breaking for a while now. Slowly and all together at times. It’s just been agonizing. Being told over and over again that they don’t need or want you anymore. It kills. I feel like every time she tells me that my heart cracked a little. I could literally feel it. The pain, the feeling of my heart dropping to my stomach. Then she’d take me in her arms and love me again and it felt like all those little cracks were being mended. Like all my like broken cracks were coming together the closer she’d hold me. I guess that was just temporary. I’m afraid that soon my little heart won’t be able to hold it’s self together anymore. Eventually I’m going to fall apart and I believe it’s coming sooner than later. She keeps doing little things to remind me of the love she used to give me at one point and it hurts. Like opening an old wound.

I love her but I’m not enough. I feel as though I was even breaking my own heart so it’d fit better with hers. Trying to forget things I knew I shouldn’t so we could move on and be happy but I’m not enough. She’s looking for something different. I don’t think she even knows what it is. I’m tired of being broken over and over again. Yet I can’t let her go when I know I need to.

The Repetition of My Realization

Cassy has been using me.

Not in any malicious way. It wasn’t done on purpose to hurt me but it’s been happening. I need to remember that she broke up with me. She broke up with me to work on herself and I should let her do so. We can’t continue to act as though we’re still together. That’s not fair to me. I understand why we have been like this though. We do love each other very much, she’s my best friend and we’ve been in each other’s lives nonstop for almost a year now. It’s hard to just cut someone off who’s been such a big part of your life for so long.
I feel like she is stringing me along because she’s afraid of losing me. I know that she loves me too much to much to fully let me go. But I love Cassy enough to let her go. Our love for each other is different right now. I feel like she is selfishly loving me and I am selflessly loving her. I need to love myself and have enough respect for myself to not let this continue any longer. I need to not let myself continue to give someone my all when they are not wiling to give the same in return. I need to stop forgiving her for things I know I shouldn’t and I need to stop using my love for her to justifying my undeserving forgiveness. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no saint. I know I’ve done wrong by her as well. I know I’m hard to deal with but I know I don’t deserve this.
I understand that Cassy needs to work on herself. I understand that she feels that she needs to be single in order to do so. I understand that this is what she needs to do at this point in her life. But at this point in my life I’ve already done my growing as an individual. I’ve already done that maturing. I wanna get myself on track on where I wanna be in life…with the person I wanna be with in life. I don’t have time for games. I don’t have time to have my emotions played with like a toy.
I know that realizing this is a big step but I also know that I have no self control with her. I know that actions speak louder than words. Yet I also know that words are powerful and repetition helps you learn things quicker so maybe if I keep telling myself all of this it will stick in my brain. Then it will become mind over matter and I can get over her instead of under her time and time again. Now that is repetition.img_0734

Stupid Love

Right now my life is weird.
Cassy and I aren’t together. Yet it feels like were still together. We have come to an agreement that we’re not together, have no title yet were gunna just do and act however we please. All the while Cassy is going to work on herself. I’m so proud of her for putting getting her shit together as a priority cause I’m doing the same. Hopefully she matures and grows a lot in many different ways. If were ever going to be together again I need her to be where I’m at and right now she’s far from it. I say all that but were practically together right now!
Ugh I hate love. I don’t mean that but ugh! Love makes people do things they normally wouldn’t. I’m stupid in love. But Cass isn’t. She’s not in love with me. She broke up with me. BUT she gave me a promise ring. YET told me that she doesn’t expect me to wait for her. Who breaks up with someone then gives them a promise ring. I’m torn. She’s sending me mixed signals in every direction.
Last night Shae and I had a good talk about our relationships. I was telling her that she’s my best friend and that I will always believe that she deserves the best and nothing less. Then I told her that even though I love him as a person, I believe that she can do better than Spike. Shae then went and told me the same and that was a big eye opener.
Basically I don’t know what to do. I love her. I just wish loving her didn’t make me so stupid.

 

 

 

 

Bad News and New Things

I have some bad news and some good news…

I’ll start with the bad news. Cassy broke up with me. Don’t worry, we’re still on good terms. She broke up with me because we seem to be on different pages in life. My priorities are much different than hers. I just care to work on myself, getting myself going in the right direction for my career and (at the time) my relationship. While Cassy’s priorities are much different. She’s at the point in her life where she just wants to have fun with her friends and make memories. I on the other hand, have had my time to do so and now I just want to be more of an adult. I’m not angry with her at all, I love her. Obviously I’d prefer being with her but I love her enough to let her go and have the liberty to go enjoy her youth the way she wants to. It’s strange being broken up with because you’re a little too mature for someone but it’s alright. The only thing I truly am worried about is our friendship. Cassy was my best friend first and I know that this break up is changing a lot of things. I just hope our friendship isn’t one of them. Yet I know that things aren’t going to be the way they were before so I’m anxious to see how it all works out.

Since I got broken up with I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I don’t even think I’m doing it to keep my mind off her because when I think of her I’m not angry or emotional. Maybe it just hasn’t fully hit me yet but I think I just want to be productive. I know that if I stay in bed, eat my feelings and cry that it’s not going to truly help me. That just puts a pause on my life and I don’t have time to waste. I have so much to do and work on! I haven’t even told my friends because I know they’re going to feel sorry for me and I don’t need pity, I’m okay. Anyways, the day Cassy broke up with me I went and got my own bank account, set up my direct deposit for work, ordered something online and I finally decided to pay for Spotify. Today, I killed it at work! Then came home(took a quick nap) cleaned my room and dyed my hair because it was a brown with a red tint. I dyed it that color the day Cassy had a party at her house to surprise her because I thought she’d like it and now that we’re over I dyed it black, for me this time! Now It’s time to fall in love with myself. It’s time to work on me. It’s time to do what’s best for me and me alone! I’m going to continue to work on myself. Plus now the glow up I was planning on working on can now be my post break up glow up!

Regardless of everything, I miss her. I love her so much. I’m still so in love with her. The problem is that, yes she still loves me but she’s just not in love with me anymore. I pray she finds someone so much better than me. She’s wonderful and I hope she never feels this way. I wish nothing but the best for her. I’m so thankful for all our great memories and the fact that I was blessed enough to call her mine for a while. But mostly I’m thankful that she taught me what love truly was. I just sadly wasn’t her true loveimg_8198