5 Tips To Help Find Yourself as a Teenager

In school we are taught various subjects like math, history, science and all that good stuff. Yet, they don’t teach you how to find yourself. Then out of no where…BOOM! They slam you with really tough questions that you’re expected to know all the answers to.
“So what do you want to do when you’re older?”
“What major are you going to choose?”
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
“Where do you want to live one day?”
Were asked these questions that many of us don’t really know the answers to. Then after we understand that we don’t know we just say that we’re, “figuring it out still.” Then we just go on with our busy lives and continue on in a direction we think we like and see where it takes us.
I believe we should be doing more than just that. Don’t worry I’m not saying to do anything super crazy, it’s actually really simple. 

We should actively be trying to find  ourselves. The person you are today is completely different than who you were when you were at seven, or thirteen. Just like how you are going to be a different person in five years than who you are now. We are always changing so I think we need to constantly learn who we are.

I know it sounds very cliche but it’s true. Go and search for new experiences. This will make you not completely step out of your comfort zone but push your comfort zone instead. Trying new things can be scary but after you’ve done it once you can see if you like it and if so it will be easier to do it again. Broaden your horizon.

Just because you we’re totally into that mint sea blue bed spread doesn’t mean you have to love it forever. Your style and things you like will change constantly and that’s okay! Switch it up all you want!

This is very important. Everyone needs personal space. Just like how you hang out with your best friend and you know them. You need to hang out with yourself so you can know yourself. Being alone is great, no one to entertain and you can do whatever you want free of all judgement.

It’s the little things. Order a different drink at Starbucks than your normal go to. Rearrange your room. Go a different way on your jog. Doing the same things over and over can get boring. So for your happiness and sanity, try doing something a little different every day!

Make sure you’re growing mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Mentally: Read a book. Watch a documentary. Go to a museum. Just learn new things!
Physically: Go on a hike. Go to the gym. Do yoga. Go swimming. Get moving!
Spiritually: Go to church. Learn about religions. Meditate. Something for the soul!
Emotionally: Do what makes you happy. Minimize the stress in your life. Keep the right company around.  Healthy happy relationships.



Bad News and New Things

I have some bad news and some good news…

I’ll start with the bad news. Cassy broke up with me. Don’t worry, we’re still on good terms. She broke up with me because we seem to be on different pages in life. My priorities are much different than hers. I just care to work on myself, getting myself going in the right direction for my career and (at the time) my relationship. While Cassy’s priorities are much different. She’s at the point in her life where she just wants to have fun with her friends and make memories. I on the other hand, have had my time to do so and now I just want to be more of an adult. I’m not angry with her at all, I love her. Obviously I’d prefer being with her but I love her enough to let her go and have the liberty to go enjoy her youth the way she wants to. It’s strange being broken up with because you’re a little too mature for someone but it’s alright. The only thing I truly am worried about is our friendship. Cassy was my best friend first and I know that this break up is changing a lot of things. I just hope our friendship isn’t one of them. Yet I know that things aren’t going to be the way they were before so I’m anxious to see how it all works out.

Since I got broken up with I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I don’t even think I’m doing it to keep my mind off her because when I think of her I’m not angry or emotional. Maybe it just hasn’t fully hit me yet but I think I just want to be productive. I know that if I stay in bed, eat my feelings and cry that it’s not going to truly help me. That just puts a pause on my life and I don’t have time to waste. I have so much to do and work on! I haven’t even told my friends because I know they’re going to feel sorry for me and I don’t need pity, I’m okay. Anyways, the day Cassy broke up with me I went and got my own bank account, set up my direct deposit for work, ordered something online and I finally decided to pay for Spotify. Today, I killed it at work! Then came home(took a quick nap) cleaned my room and dyed my hair because it was a brown with a red tint. I dyed it that color the day Cassy had a party at her house to surprise her because I thought she’d like it and now that we’re over I dyed it black, for me this time! Now It’s time to fall in love with myself. It’s time to work on me. It’s time to do what’s best for me and me alone! I’m going to continue to work on myself. Plus now the glow up I was planning on working on can now be my post break up glow up!

Regardless of everything, I miss her. I love her so much. I’m still so in love with her. The problem is that, yes she still loves me but she’s just not in love with me anymore. I pray she finds someone so much better than me. She’s wonderful and I hope she never feels this way. I wish nothing but the best for her. I’m so thankful for all our great memories and the fact that I was blessed enough to call her mine for a while. But mostly I’m thankful that she taught me what love truly was. I just sadly wasn’t her true loveimg_8198

Word of The Day: Mauerbauertraurigkeit

13734314_1745248279081143_1826227868_nI have a confession to make. Recently I haven’t been hanging out with anyone besides Cassy, not even my best friends. I know I’m neglecting them and that I should hangout with them. I know they have a lot going on too that I really should be there for but lately I just don’t want to be around anyone. I’m not depressed, this is different. I don’t understand why or even know how to get rid of this feeling. They’ll text me and I’ll get happy to hear from them but half of me kind of just wants to be left alone. They’ll ask to hang out and I get excited about catching up with them but half of me just wants to be by myself. And frankly, I don’t like feeling like this. Friends used to literally be one of my top priorities and now they aren’t even on the scale. I want to know whats going on in their lives, I want to know how they’re doing and what’s wrong when they’re sad but I just can’t find it in me to do so. I know I’m pushing everyone away and I half of me hates it and the other half wants to continue to do so. I’m fighting with myself on what to do but when I actually get myself to hangout with them I find myself wishing I was alone. I don’t know what to do but I think realizing this is a good place to start.

This Year’s Annual Without Fail Bad Birthday

I know I haven’t blogged in a while but I guess I should tell you about my birthday.

December 9th
My mom’s work had a holiday party at the Madonna Inn and she wanted to bring me as her plus one. Cassy came over while I was getting ready and we ended up getting into a bad argument. She left and I was very unsure about our status. I tried to put away my feelings about Cass and I so my mom and I could have a good time. It took me forever to get ready and I looked really nice. My mom’s friends all met up at our house and started pre gaming. Eventually the limo arrived and we all got in. Everyone continued drinking including me. I was drinking my feelings and eventually felt a little buzzed. Then out of no where the limo got pulled over. I didn’t even know that limos got pulled over but after we got stalled by the cop for  half an hour he let us go. Once we got there I got my cute little name tag, sat down and got some food in my system cause I hadn’t eaten all day. Eventually the DJ started playing and my mom kelts drinking and dancing. My mom, along with all her friends were so drunk. My mom got a little crazy. At around 9:30 Cassy texted me that she was just going to work on herself and basically broke up with me. I cried for a while but I tired to have a good time for my mom’s sake. I even danced with her when all the Spanish songs came on. The bright side is that my mom’s friends were buying me drinks. Once the party was over we were waiting outside for the limo and when it arrived we realized that there was puke in it and it wasn’t from any of us. I was the lucky one that cleaned it all. The finally once we got home I went to the bathroom and when I came out all her friends were screaming happy birthday to me because it was finally midnight.

My Birthday, December 10th
I asked Kayla to take me to my gay family’s house because once Cassy broke up with me I called Destinee and she said to come over after. Once I got there I walked up stairs and they all screamed Happy Birthday for me then realized I was crying. I told them and like any good friends would do they handed me drinks. They were so nice and made me feel better. I was supposed to spend the night there but I didn’t feel up to it anymore. So Manna was nice enough to take me home. I went to sleep, woke up and cried some more. Then I got a phone call from Cassy. I answered, only to hear her crying. She then asked to come over and I inquired why but she then explained that it had nothing to do with us. Her grandpa was in the hospital and her family didn’t think he was going to make it. She explained that she didn’t want to be alone and that I was the only person she wanted to be around so I put aside our problems and told her to come over. Once she got to my house I held her and we both cried. I hate seeing her sad, it kills me. We eventually started talking and she was saying that she wanted me back and I wasn’t sure what to do. Then Kayla and Chase came over with Zoe’s and Olive Garden so Cass and I went to go eat with everyone. My family and I ate together and then got to opening gifts. Then Cassy and I decided to go pick up her mom in Ventura so she could see her dad. The trip took longer than expected and when I got back I had to hurry to get ready because my gay family was throwing me a party. Once  I was ready Julia, Cassy and I made it over to their house and boy were they surprised to see me with Cassy! Then Shae and Spike came, I am so glad I got to see them! Being over there was so much fun, I was having a great time! Then once it died down we went over to Aly’s cause they were having something at her house. Being with all my friends and loved ones on my birthday was great. My birthday started out super shitty but my birthnight was the best one yet. So yeah, I’m 19 now.

Forever Friends

Growing up my mother always would tell me that once I graduated I would realize who my true friends are. When I was little I thought she was wrong. I believed that the “bff’s” I had were going to be forever like the name entitles. My mother watched as friends would come and go continuing to say the same thing. Now that I have actually graduated I have realized that she was right. You learn that many people are just your friends because you saw them five times a week. Another thing my mother would inform me on is that she still had lasting friendship with people she had known for years and years. At the time I thought that was unbelieveable to hear about friendships that were 10+ years. They remained friends despite time, distance, disagreements and everyday busy lives. At that time in my life since I was so young that idea truly baffled me. Then time started passing by so quickly and I realized that some of my friendships were starting to pack on the years. I have now reached the point to where I can say that I have been friends with people for 10 years.
However, my mother never told me about the friendships where the years don’t matter. The ones that you make later on in life. The ones that really matter. I became close friends with a couple people my senior year of high school and yet they have surpassed all other friends I’ve ever had. I believe there are many reasons why these friendships were made and why they will last. First of all, I didn’t make these friends when I was a child, there is no need for a bracelet to solidify it. I made these friends when I became a young adult, when I realized who I was as an individual. I knew who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. When you do so people will gravitate toward you, people who are like you and on the same path as you. These are friends where you don’t have to talk to everyday to keep the friendship alive.  I didn’t makes these friends because we had class together for years so we grew up together out of convince. These friends are ones I never had a class with.
I have also learned that any friendship is attainable to keep through effort. Yes life can get busy but you will always make time for the people you care about. Get a quick bite to eat with your “bestie” once a month, plan for it. It’s just a matter of priorities. Also, I understand that maybe you guys don’t live close but now a days we have social media. It’s easy too keep in touch, theres so much you can do! FaceTime, text, Skype, call, DM or put each others notifications on. That way when they’re tweeting in their feels you can text them and see if they’re alright. Then there’s disagreements, which is a hard one. On some occasions you guys won’t talk for a while and sometimes that can be good. It can give both people space and time to revaluate. I guess it just boils down to whether the argument is worth losing the friendship or not. You don’t always have to agree. You’re two different people, not the same person. If you can’t find some kind of common ground, at least agree to disagree. Overall, the friendships that were meant to be will be. Life has a funny way of bringing people in and out of our lives. Just make sure that if you want to keep a friend show them you care about them. Who knows, maybe they’ll be your forever friend.